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The Power of Relationships


The Institute for American Church Growth conducted a survey a number of years ago. They asked 10,000 people what led them into the church. 79% said a friend or relative invited them to a worship service.

If I were to ask the same question right now, many of us might respond in a similar fashion. And if I were to ask how you came into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, many of you would probably identify some person who was very influential in that process.

There is great power in personal relationships. And all of us might benefit if we made a commitment to improving our relationships as part of our vision for 2020.

In a way, our mission as a church is all about relationships. In fact, there is not one part of our mission statement that does not have to do with personal relationships. Four years ago, we set forth our mission in this way…

Stowe Community Church
Develops loving followers of Christ who
Celebrate through worship
Grow through teaching
Connect through fellowship
Care through service and
Share through outreach
To our community and world.

That is all about relationships. And if we want to improve our personal relationships, I think there is no better example to follow than that of Jesus. Let’s see what we can learn from him as we read John 1:35-42…

The next day John again was standing with two of his disciples, and as he watched Jesus walk by, he exclaimed, “Look, here is the Lamb of God!” The two disciples heard him say this, and they followed Jesus. When Jesus turned and saw them following, he said to them, “What are you looking for?” They said to him, “Rabbi” (which translated means Teacher), “where are you staying?” He said to them, “Come and see.” They came and saw where he was staying, and they remained with him that day. It was about four o’clock in the afternoon. One of the two who heard John speak and followed him was Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother. He first found his brother Simon and said to him, “We have found the Messiah” (which is translated Anointed). He brought Simon to Jesus, who looked at him and said, “You are Simon son of John. You are to be called Cephas” (which is translated Peter).

I think we can learn something about good relationships, not only from Jesus, but also from John the Baptist. John was not afraid to take third place. What do I mean by that?

Well, here was John attracting all sorts of people to hear him preach out in the desert. He had spent considerable time teaching and nurturing a small group of disciples. But now that Jesus comes on the scene, he is not afraid to point others away from himself to Jesus. I can almost picture John, in his camel-hair coat, out in the wilderness, beside the Jordan River. Thousands are pouring over the hillsides to hear him and be baptized by him. And here he is pointing others to Jesus like a parking lot attendant directing cars or an air-traffic controller on the tarmac directing a plane into the airport terminal.

John must have known that once he directed people to follow Jesus that they were no longer going to follow him. I imagine John would have liked to keep his cousin Jesus all to himself. Or he might have enjoyed keeping his followers all to himself. But he did neither. John put Jesus first, others second, and himself last.

That is the way to spell joy…

Jesus first
Others second
Yourself last

Have you done that in your life? The world is in desperate need of people who are prepared to mortgage their personal ambitions and popularity out of a consuming desire for Jesus’ pre-eminence and the advance of his cause by whatever human instrument.

A second ingredient I see here for growing good relationships is to ask good questions.

When John the Baptist pointed Jesus out and said, “Look, the Lamb of God,” two of his disciples started following Jesus. So, Jesus turned around and asked them, “What are your looking for?”

Jesus was a masterful question-asker. And the question he asked on this occasion was an all-important one. Let me ask it of you: “What are you looking for?” There are some pursuits in life for which Jesus is not the end. If all you are looking for in life is material prosperity and material security, Jesus does not promise that to you.

Others are looking for power or fame of one sort or another. But Jesus does not promise the kind of power or fame the world is usually interested in.

Still others are seeking physical pleasure. There is nothing wrong with that. But Jesus has more to offer.

If you are looking for ultimate meaning and purpose in life, if you are seeking to find out who God really is, then you will not be disappointed in Jesus.

Becoming a good question asker takes skill development. You have to be careful what questions you ask people and at what stage in a relationship you ask certain questions…

A little girl was talking to her grandmother. She asked, “Grandma, how old are you?”

The grandmother replied, “Now dear, you shouldn’t ask people that question. Most grown-ups don’t like to tell their age.”

The following day, the girl had another question, “Grandma, how much do you weigh?”

Once again, the grandmother replied, “Oh honey, you shouldn’t ask grown-ups how much they weigh. It isn’t polite.”

The next day, the little girl was back with a big smile on her face. She said, “Grandma, I know how old you are; you’re 62 and you weigh 140 pounds.”

The grandmother was a bit surprised and said, “My goodness, how do you know?” The girl smiled and said, “You left your driver’s license on the table and I read it.”

The grandmother said, “Oh, so that’s how you found out.”

The girl said, “That’s right, and I also saw on your driver’s license that you flunked sex.”

So… we have to be careful about probing into other people’s lives! We have to make sure we have earned the right to ask probing questions. But once we have done that, asking good questions can be a great way to build a deeper relationship.

A third thing we can do to develop a good relationship with someone is to extend an invitation

The two people who were following Jesus wanted to see where he was living. Based upon John the Baptist’s testimony, they were fascinated by this person, Jesus, and they wanted to learn more about him and his life. I believe that in terms of his personality no more attractive person than Jesus has ever walked this planet. William Barclay once wrote, “The man who would be Jesus’ disciple can never be satisfied with a passing word. He wants to meet Jesus, not as an acquaintance in passing, but as a friend in his own house.”

In response to their question, “Where are you staying?” Jesus said, “Come and you will see. The Jewish Rabbis of old often used the same phrase that Jesus uses here. They would say, “Do you want to know the answer to this question? Do you want to know the solution to this problem? Come and see, and we will think about it together.” When Jesus said: “Come and see!” he was inviting these two men, not only to come and talk, but to come and find the things that he alone could open up to them.

“Come and see” is a great invitation you can extend to others as well. “Come and see what is happening at our church. Check it out for yourself.”

I might not be involved in the church today if it were not for someone inviting me to come to church with him. I grew up in a Christian home but for a long while during my childhood and early teen years my family was not involved in any church.

When I was in 8th grade there was another boy in my class who used to follow me home from school with his friend and pitch rocks at me and call me names. For some reason unbeknownst to me, this boy, Jeff Vida, suddenly befriended me and invited me to come to youth group at his church.

Now you may say, “Pitching rocks at someone and calling him names doesn’t sound like Christian behavior to me!” 

Perhaps. But I was willing to overlook that. I was happy to finally be on good terms with Jeff and have him as a friend.

At first, when he invited me to youth group, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go. Roller-skating was the first event he invited me to attend and I didn’t know how to roller-skate. But my mother encouraged me to go to youth group with Jeff, so finally I gave in.

The first time I went to youth group with Jeff was the first event with the new youth pastor at La Jolla Presbyterian Church. Sonny Salsbury was his name. He played guitar, sang songs, and told stories that were so engaging. I was hooked. I’ve been in church ever since.

“Come and see” can be a very powerful invitation.

A fourth thing we can do to grow deeper relationships is simply to spend time with others. We read that these two men who were followers of John the Baptist went and saw where Jesus was staying, and they spent the day with him.

What do you suppose these two men talked with Jesus about all day? We are not told. But one thing is certain: their perspective on Jesus changed after spending time with him. When they first met Jesus, they called him Rabbi, but after spending the day with him they called him Messiah. Rabbi means “my great one.” It was a title of respect given by students to their teachers. Messiah means “anointed one”.

There were three types of people anointed with oil when appointed to their offices in ancient Judaism: prophets, priests and kings. By calling Jesus “Messiah” these two men were recognizing him as the long-awaited prophet, priest and king who had come to save Israel.

The more time we spend with Jesus, reading his words in the Bible, talking to him in prayer, meeting him in worship, the more we will understand and appreciate who he is. As I have said many times before, being a Christian means giving as much as you know of yourself to as much as you know of Jesus. Also, the more time you spend with Jesus, the more you will desire, and the more you will be prepared to effectively introduce others to him.

When the great missionary E. Stanley Jones was in India on one of his many journeys, he met with Mahatma Gandhi. In the course of his visit, Jones asked this question: “Mr. Gandhi, what must the Christians do to win India for the Lord Jesus Christ?” Gandhi replied, “There are four things that the Christians must do. First, let Christians live like Jesus Christ. Second, do not compromise your faith. Third, learn all you can about the non-Christian religions. And fourth, let everything you do be characterized by love.” That’s great advice.

A fifth characteristic of people who are developing deep, loving relationships with others is that they share with others what is most important to them.

Having spent time with Jesus, Andrew felt compelled to go the first thing the next morning and tell his brother, Simon, that he had found the Messiah.

I believe it is both harder and easier to share Jesus with those close to us. It is easier because we are with them all the time and we know them. We have many opportunities to share something of our faith in daily conversations. But it is also harder to share with those close to us because they know us. If our talk doesn’t match our walk, then they won’t really listen to us. It is also harder to share with those close to us because we may be more afraid of offending them or of losing the relationship.

We may also be afraid to talk about our relationship with Jesus to others because we may think that we don’t know all the right arguments to win them over. But it is not a verbal argument that ultimately wins anyone to Jesus. Andrew simply shared with Peter what he had experienced of Jesus. And that, I believe is what the Lord wants us to do with others as well.

Aldous Huxley, author of Brave New World, was once at a weekend house party in the midst of which, on Sunday morning, many of the guests proposed to go to church. Huxley did not intend to go and instead approached a rather simple man who, nevertheless, was known to have a very radiant faith. Huxley said to the man, “Suppose you don’t go to church today and instead stay home and tell me quite simply what your Christian faith means to you and why you are a Christian.”

The man replied, “Oh, I can’t do that. You could demolish my arguments in a minute; I’m not clever enough to argue with you.”

“I don’t want to argue with you,” Huxley replied. “I just want you to tell me simply what this Christ means to you.”

So, the man stayed home and told Huxley of his faith. When he finished, there were tears in Huxley’s eyes. He said, “I would give my right hand if only I could believe that.”

What touched his heart? It was not arguments. It was a genuine faith expressed by one who knew Jesus in a personal way and was not ashamed to talk about him to others.

One final ingredient I see to good relationships in this passage is simply bringing others along

After Andrew found his brother and told him about Jesus, he brought him to meet Jesus. And Andrew brought people to meet Jesus on more than one occasion. In John 6 Andrew brings to Jesus a boy with five loaves and two small fish. And with that boy’s lunch Jesus feeds over 5000 people. Then in John 12 Andrew brings some inquiring Greeks to meet Jesus. We get the idea that Andrew was constantly meeting and befriending new people and then introducing them to his best friend, Jesus.

There is a great need in the church today for people who will simply bring other people into the church where they can hear about Jesus. And this is a ministry that anyone of us can engage in.

Do you remember the day you met Jesus?

John, who wrote this Gospel, says in verse 39, “So they went and saw where he was staying and spent that day with him. It was about the tenth hour.” The tenth hour was four o’clock in the afternoon. It may very well be that John is able to report this detail to us because he was one of the two men who spent that day with Jesus. It just may be true that John could tell you the very hour of the day and no doubt the very stone of the road he was standing on when he met Jesus. The encounter was that dramatic. At four o’clock on a spring afternoon in first century Palestine, life became a new thing for John.

Do you remember the day you met Jesus? For those of us who have grown up in the church it may be hard to remember a specific day when Jesus became more than a word to us, when Jesus became truly a friend. If that is the case for you, then the key question to ask yourself may be, “Am I giving, today, as much as I know of myself, to as much as I know of Jesus.”

I remember the day I made a public commitment of my life follow Jesus as my leader and forgiver. It was at Calvary Memorial Church at the corner of Roosevelt and Cottman in Philadelphia, August 29, 1976. I can remember walking to the front of the sanctuary when the invitation was given at the end of the service to commit my life to Christ. I remember talking with one of the elders of the church afterwards. We sat alone in a large Sunday school room with windows opening on to that great intersection of traffic in Philadelphia. He said to me, “Just remember one thing. Compared to Jesus, that world out there has nothing to offer you.” And he was right.

Perhaps you have never met Jesus in a personal way. If not, today can be the day you do just that.

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