From today’s reading, what struck me with
considerable force were these words from the opening of Psalm 62….
“For God
alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation.”
This one verse raises certain questions for me.
Can I really say, “For God alone my
soul waits”? So often my soul waits for anything and anyone else but God.
Secondly, how often do I wait in silence? The honest answer is: not often.
Just like being still is difficult, being silent, sitting in silence, is tough.
It is easy enough where I live to sit in silence when I am alone in my own
home. That is, it is relatively easy to find external silence. What is harder
is to find internal silence, to still
the incessant voices, the unceasing chatter, in my own brain. That takes time.
It takes sitting for quite some time with external silence, with no
distractions, until I become quiet within. In fact, this is a completely
separate spiritual discipline, for me at least, from reading Scripture and
praying. I have done it. However, I do not seek this sort of silence, this
stillness, often enough. Perhaps that should be my goal for this week. To seek
it at least once, then perhaps to eventually try to include it in my daily
routine.
I found the words of C. S. Lewis, included in
this section of the C. S. Lewis Bible, to be helpful to me today….
I have been in considerable trouble over the
present danger of war. Twice in one life—and then to find how little I have
grown in fortitude despite my conversion. It has done me a lot of good by making
me realize how much of my happiness secretly depended on the tacit assumption
of at least tolerable conditions for the body: and I see more clearly, I think,
the necessity (if one may so put it) which God is under of allowing us to be
afflicted—so few of us will really rest
all on Him if He leaves us any other support. (from a letter to Dom Bede
Griffiths OSB, April 29, 1938)
What I find encouraging is what Lewis says about
how little he has grown. Oftentimes I feel like this in my spiritual life. It
is good to know that spiritual giants like Lewis have felt this too. I identify
with what he says about my happiness being based upon tolerable conditions for
the body. Yes. Take this away, and I am fairly sure that I will be rather
miserable all too quickly.
I do not like the solution to this spiritual
problem that Lewis outlines here, namely, affliction. However, I can see why
Lewis says it may be necessary. I too seldom really rest all on God if God
leaves me any other way out. I suppose it just shows that I have a long way to
grow, and that the process of spiritual growth will certainly not be complete
with death. I find hope in Lewis’ idea that God will give us as many chances as
necessary and helpful to allow us to grow, and that God will continue this process
with us after death. As Browning says, “The best is yet to be.”
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